. . . . . . . The Daily Blarf

Monday, November 28, 2005


A New Leash on Life

i'd been thinking about getting another dog lately. it'd been about a year since Spaz's passing and i thought it was time for another dog, although not necessarily anytime soon.

The Puppy With No Name came home with me yesterday.

i was at the SPCA perusing the dog selection when i came across a cute little border collie-style dog. he instantly reminded me of Ellie, the border collie i shared with Kimmyshea. after our breakup, i lost custody of Ellie (since she really belonged to her) and i always thought how it would be nice to get another border collie, but possibly one not as neurotic as the "Ell-dog". as you might know, border collies are too smart for their own good and need constant attention, sheep to herd, tennis balls to fetch, and lots of books to read, otherwise they will destroy your home in seach of canine entertainment.

this particular pooch had no name, no tag, and no literature on his cage, and had only "I85" tattooed on his belly next to his wang. the SPCA lady said he was a border collie/beagle mix, and they knew this because he came into the SPCA last fall as a puppy with his mother. both were adopted, and he then came back last week as a stray. his tattoo was his only identifier. his birthday is december 17th--the day after mine. i had to have him, so one hour and 80 bucks later, there i was, the proud owner of a slightly used stray dog, #I85.
i was hoping for hybrid vigor, and so far, he seems to be exhibiting the best of both breeds. i'm hoping the stupidity of the beagle averages out with the intelligence of the border collie, resulting in a curiously smart, yet not insane, dog. and this dog sure doesn't look like a beagle--the Snoopy genes must all be on the inside. luckily, he doesn't seem to exhibit that gawd-awful, incessant beagle bark. as far as looks go, he definately fits the bill of a border collie, except with a slightly larger nose, floppier ears, and less scruff around the neck. but he does have a small tuft of border collie white fur on the tip of his tail, and i did notice the border collie herding stance a few times. and he's a hell of a sniffer--everything in the house had to be sniffed at least once, perhaps twice.

apparently he was previously kept as an outdoor dog, as the "no pooping indoors" theory is new to him. in addition, stairs are a novelty--at least they were last night. but with some coaxing, training, and lots of treats and wimpering, he mastered the concept of stairs in about 12 hours. i'm hoping i don't see any more poop in the house in the same amount of time. wishful thinking, no doubt.

he's great with the neices and nephews. the cats, too. maybe a bit too friendly too soon with the cats--an up-close hello to Tom the Cat resulted in a swipe across the nose, but Tom warmed up a bit later.

so the next order of business is a name. i envisioned coming home with a black lab mix named Muttley, but this is no Muttley-style dog. i keep drawing a blank on names. Sparky, A.U.O., Goose Slayer, Steve, Bone Fool, Jake, Tube Nut, Skip, Scruda (as in Scruda Pooch), Bolo, Impound, Discon, Floyd, Tango, Ringo, Ricochet, Skip, Shep, Radar, Calvin, Amos, Foxtrot, Ammo, Zulu, Zeke, Zebu, Angus, Roscoe, Enos, Cletus, and finally, "Daniel Davison" (my 4-year old niece's idea) are all on the list but probably won't make the cut. his current name is "LiDAR" because i needed a name to put on the vet paperwork, but it's open to change. i'm considering "Dingo", but haven't settled on it.

Anyone who can come up with a winning name wins 27,694 blarf points. post name suggestions in the comments section!

Super Bonus Doggie Blarf question: what do the names Roscoe, Enos, and Cletus have in common?

Puppy Update (Pupdate?):

still no name yet. poopy training is progressing. stairs have been mastered. learning to sit. met two other local dogs. ran into the electic fence once. discovered thin ice on mud puddles and fell through several times.

PUPDATE 11-28-05:

The Puppy escaped a brush with death (via owner) after peeing on my bed tonight. this dog must have nine lives--he's already crapped on mom's new carpeting, crapped on my bed, and now pissed on it. i just don't understand. the only reason he's still alive is because he is cute.


...and now for Bug The Goat's Construction Site Typo O' The Day:

(Bug was unavailable for comment this week.)

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

yesterday at work, some random guy being interviewed said to me, "hey, everyone must tell you that you look like like Andy Garcia." and of course, the gears started grinding in the heads of others in the room and they immediately agreed with him. i replied, "actually, no, they say i look like Barry Manilow." he then said "yeah, when you smile you look like Barry, but otherwise you look like Andy."

Richard Grieco, Barry Manilow, and now Andy Garcia? what is WITH people? and what is up with this "looks like" stuff all the sudden in my life? never before have i been compared to anyone, and only in the last year has anyone ever said to me that i look like someone they know, and that's happened 3 times. shaving the goatee must have made the difference.

i must admit, if i look like any of those guys, looking like Andy Garcia is the most flattering.

i suppose if someone could mix photos of barry, andy, and richard, maybe it would look like me.


in other news:

my new favorite song of the month is "No More Tears" by Ozzy Osbourne. i've never been a big Ozzy fan, but this song has such uplifting synth and guitar riffs, yet still has the dark, heavy bass and drums common in heavy metal. and hearing Ozzy sing like a normal human being is kinda cool too, since nowadays the frigging guy can't form a logical sentence without asking his bitch wife for help. anyway, i think it's the bassline that sets it off--it makes me want to dig out the bass i bought a couple years ago and finally learn to play it. i love the sound of a bass guitar...

...which is an excellent segue (first time i've ever used that word!) to last night's extracurricular activity. at the request of a friend, i reluctantly attended a chorus/band concert at the big high school in town. i wasn't really interested until it got underway--and it was actually pretty cool. it was a combination of instructors, students, and local savants all singing & playing wind & string instruments. i was wowed. it's impressive seeing 70+ violinists all playing in synchronization. there were even 4-year olds busting out on the violin like it was nobody's business. it made me feel like a retard for not being able to play anything except shitty drum set. i particularly fell in love with the cello--it's rediculously huge and wonderfully excessive (much like, say, a '75 cadillac eldorado with a 500ci motor) and has such a groovy bass sound. did i mention i love bass?

i love bass...er, i mean bass:


and i also met Abby yesterday. Abby is the most beautiful yellow lab pup ever. i've always liked labs, especially black ones. i must have one. i've been thinking i'd like to hit up the local pound to see what they've got. i wouldn't mind getting a dog. it's been almost a year since Spaz died--maybe it's time for a new buddy. a black lab-esque dog would be cool.

"it just goes to show you, kids: don't do drugs, or for christ's sake, you'll end up like Ozzy."