. . . . . . . The Daily Blarf

Friday, March 24, 2006

blarf viewership is in the toilet, so i'd better get blogging again finally. it's been a busy two months. i've had 2 days off this past month, and today is that 2nd day.

anyway, no pity for me. on to better things! like a rant:

i am so goddamn sick of commercials that have a family composed of two perfect children, a hot 30-something wife, and a fat assed slob of a husband. how unrealistic is that? i assume it's a subliminal goal to make fat, lazy men think that this life is attainable and therefore make them want to buy what's being advertised.

for instance, the new Dodge Durango ad, which features this type of family, lost in the desert while driving their new hemi durango while towing a huge boat: number one, how did this pillsbury doughboy of a man, who hasn't learned how to dress, comb his hair, or lose weight, EVER marry the wife he has, have the kids he has, and afford to buy the $100,000 worth of truck and boat that he has? VW has an ad like this, too. and what about those stooopid Vonage ads, where the wife is talking to the camera and the fatshit husband is doing the retarded dance in the background? god, i hate that ad. i hate it almost as much as i hate Shirley Temple.

fat husband (Kevin James) + hot wife (Leah Remini) = typical television


and in darker, wetter news:

i had an awful bubonic plague sweep through my aquarium recently, which decimated my fish population. it all started with the new Columbian Shark (aka "Plain Old Catfish with a Fancy Name") that i got. he was fine for a while, but being Columbian, he had a bit of a drug problem, and where there's drugs, there's disease. first, he started showing signs of mental instability by swimming the exact same path in the tank for hours and hours. then he disappeared, and a few days later, i found him dead as hell, apparently from a drug overdose.

the evil cracked-out columbian catfish

that was the beginning of an awful downward spiral of disease. it was dreadful and i felt hopeless, unable to fix the problem, waiting for another fish to die, day after friggin' day. i lost my two Clown Loaches (which i'd had forever), the previously unkillable Yo Yo Loach (who spent at least an hour of his life out of water on two occasions in the past and still lived), and even my beloved Sharkie series of fish. none could escape the invisible killer--Sharkie IV, VI, VII, VIII all perished. Sharkie IV (the patriarch of the tank since the untimely death of Sharkie V many months ago), hung on as long as he could, but ultimately ended up in that big drain that leads to the sea. the nitemare finally stopped after 8 fish had died within 2 weeks. i'm now down to my big stupid Tinfoil Barb, the blue African Cichlid, the ancient & crippled Danio ( one of the original, and the oldest fish left), my zebra-striped something-or-other, and the three pain-in-the-ass Tiger Barbs. things are now under control again, and with half the fish and with a new power water filter, they should be alright. i won't get any new fish for a while now--the cost of treatment killed my checkbook too.

hmmm, lets see more of Leah Remini:

ahh, that's better.


and in "Death of my Childhood" news:

Peter Tomarken, host of the 80's CBS game show "Press Your Luck", died along with his wife in a private plane crash March 13th. in very un-Hollywood fashion, he died doing a good deed--he was providing free air transport with his own plane for persons in need of medical treatment at the UCLA Medical Center.

i remember watching that show as a kid at grandma's house while eating those little frozen pizzas that grandma used to get. he was my favorite TV personality as a sub-10-year-old kid, second only to Bob Barker. so now i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop--actually, to be more frank, i'm waiting for Bob Barker to drop.

Barker drops Sandler


how about some more of that Leah Remini stuff:


guess that's about it for now. but stay tuned!! there is another post already written and waiting to burst onto the blarf. and finally, more from Leah Remini:

leave your comments about Leah Remini in... the comments. (better than pictures of ol' Bug the Goat, huh?!??)