"Oh, Davey! there really aren't any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq!"

i guess the world isn't as simple as i thought it was.

as we signed the paperwork for my first sale, i looked across the desk at my customer. he was clearly the hard-working sort, worn down by years of diligent commitment to his job and family and obviously not too sure about the mechanical details of an automobile or the process of buying one. he was parting ways with a lotta money. part of me wanted to be on the other side of the desk giving pointers. on my side, the experienced salesman helping me had made sure we crossed the i's and dotted the t's, and ensured that we didn't miss a chance to make a profit. not to say that we took advantage of the customer, by any means. he got a good deal and so did we. but knowing the details of how a sale comes together, well... it's like a tour of a slaughterhouse--you don't want to see how it's done, but the end result sure is tasty. am i cut out for this line of work? i don't know.

a salesman's pitch is riddled with ambiguity, inflated truths, overgeneralizations, and ignorance of the competition. and i don't mean just in my profession. just watch any advertisement on tv and you'll see. for instance, Quaker Oats: drop your chloresterol by 6 points by eating this stuff for breakfast for 30 days. hmmm. a whopping 6 points. gee, maybe it's cuz you're eating this crap rather than eggs boiled in butter and bacon grease. maybe if i eat styrofoam for 30 days, i'll drop 12 points. Crest Whitestrips: guaranteed to take off up to 14 years worth of stain buildup. guaranteed! wow! but that statement doesn't mean anything. "up to 14 years" means 0 to 14 years. so this product is guaranteed to do something, or possibly nothing. why can't they just be honest and say, "you know, this will probably whiten your teeth, but hey, even your teeth may be beyond hope." i would appreciate that on the label. i would buy it merely for the honesty. or how about the company i used to work for--eltaday onicsay. the billboard on the highway implies that washing your car with their undercarriage wash is the best way to flush out salt and prevent rust. actually, no. in the winter, you're better off leaving the frozen salty crust on your vehicle. as long as it's dry or frozen, the water and salt can't eat your metal. but when you go thru the roasty toasty car wash with all that hot water, you're putting that salt into solution. (the same happens in your heated garage when the stuff melts and leaves the solution behind.) sure, if you dunked each car in a vat of distilled water, you could get all that salt out of there, but face it, people! you can't escape rust. this is new york, and not even eltaday onicsay can save you. but yet, people go there by the thousands thinking they are gonna save their cars from rust.

and it's not just in advertising. it's in the news. it's in print. it's on our tv shows. it's in our government. it's in this blog. i hate it. maybe we should all just shut the hell up and make our own decisions. SHUT UP, EVERYONE!

enough of the bitchfest. that's all this blog is, anyway. time for pepperjack cheese, kool-aid, and Whose Line Is It Anyway.

thanks again to mark for the blarfproofing.