Aleximov23: i don't think a person's life should contain that much blarf.
blogging during daylight hours isn't normal for me, but then again, i've had anything but a normal weekend. and in the words of forrest gump, "that's all i've got to say about that."
one of the things on my to-do list is to write a resignation letter to my job. what i'd love to do is send a nice long letter to the president of the company, going into great detail about how freaked up his company is at all levels, how many times my rights as a worker in new york state have been violated, how confused and misguided the whole place is, and how hypocritical his management is. i'd love to expose the other people who helped bring me down by detailing the episodes and events that have escaped company scrutiny, so that they too can have their hopes and dreams crushed like a soda can on the freeway. and i'd love to finish the letter off with a quote from the extremely quotable anti: "ok all you salty anal weiner burgers for half off, suck it easy." and then maybe i'd send a copy of the letter to the local media, which is so in love with this place that if the company farts, they are the first to smell it. gross violation of NYS labor law? now that's a fart they'd love to sniff. the newspaper could add that to the story they're currently writing about the company (a photograper was in there just yesterday.) wouldn't that be fun to read!
but i'm not gonna do that.
because we're not here to cast stones.
or burn bridges, either.
yes, i know how you had already decided to demote me long before my meeting ever took place, because i stumbled across the email that detailed the new senior manager pay plan which made reference only to the other senior manager. and i know you have screwed me in many ways, but i forgive you for your wrongs because i want to be able to walk back in here on occasion to see my ex-coworker friends without being chased off the premises by the remaining management. yes, i do have the hearts and minds of many of the workers, and i'd like to keep it that way.
what i'll end up writing is something like this: "i will be vacating my position as
SUCK IT EASY, ELTADAY ONICSAY!
speaking of my parents--i went home for the family sunday dinner last week for the first time in forever. while eating, i chronicled the recent events in my life, summing it up with how my rent now eats up about half of my income and i gave up buying food, as it is too expensive. mom immediately filled two grocery bags with food, gave me some cash, and hooked me up with some dinner leftovers. i kinda felt like i was on some kind of welfare/assistance program, but hey...between the cash, groceries, and leftover mac & cheese, i made out like a bandit. thanks, mom! i felt bad, too, because she gave me the good stuff she had just bought. but then again, they have lived for years with nothing in the fridge but outdated condiments, which apparently suits them just fine. and if they get hungry, there's that bag of chips that's been on the top of the fridge since the summer of 1999 (from when i still lived there.)
i felt pretty good after being home. i got a home cooked meal, the goodie bags, watched "most extreme elimination challenge" with mom, got to pet the dog & cats, and played the drum set with the nieces & nephews (and i got to wail on the drums myself after they left.) on the way back to syracuse, i sang along with my favorite band, beach boys, which i haven't done in forever. i'm hoping those feelings carry over to my new job, because i need a change.
the other night i heard "stairway to heaven" on 100.3 FM out of ithaca. it was one of those moments when you have a flood of memories that seem so vivid, it's like you're living them again. i remembered how much fun i was having in 2000 and 2001. i think 2001 may have been one of the best years of my life--i had an easy, decent job. i had girlfriends. a great social life. i was still living the college life without college stress. parties. demo derbies. barbeques. mud races. two spring break trips to florida. i had some of the best friends and best times i will ever have. i moved away from ithaca in november of '01 thinking that i was all set for the next chapter of my life. i was in a happy, long term relationship, i was expecting to get the job i wanted and i was looking forward to living near my family.
and then 2002 happened. the relationship went to shit, which was a hidden blessing. the job didn't happen. and i had to move away from where i wanted to be. 2002 was a year spent in constant flux, always expecting things to gel and just come together the way they were supposed to. but they didn't. ironically, the only steady thing in my life was this rotten job. 2003 came and things were the same. i can sum up 2003 with just a few things--all work, no love life, limited social life, and anticipation of things to come that never came. my life revolved around chasing that carrot that couldn't be reached. after 2 years of hard work, my once comfortable lifestyle had deteriorated to poop. i was making the same money and paying twice the bills that i had while in ithaca. i was driving the same piece of crap pickup truck i had when i was in college. and i was back to square one with love. there's nothing worse than having a shitty life AND having to earn it by working your ass off. the exciting uncertainty of my new life turned to stressful, listless repetition.
and now it's 2004. things are looking much better. i've got a new job, i've got love cookin' on the back burner, and great plans for the future. i'm not where i want to be, by any means. but i'm getting there. i just might find love. i just might like my new job. i just might move to where i want to be. i just might buy that new mustang and take a trip across the country, with the top down and the beach boys blasting. i just might enjoy 2004. i just might.
