there's those times in your life where you feel ultimate terror, unmatched fear, and complete disbelief.
like when you're driving and you realize that you're gonna wreck and it's slow motion until the impact happens. BAM!
or when you're in an onstage performance and your mind goes blank when trying come up with the next line. BAM!
or you have that dream where you are at work and you suddenly realize you're not wearing any pants. BAM!
or you forgot your girlfriend/wife's birthday until 2 days after. BAM!
or...you forget about the written exam for deputy sheriff that you were supposed to be taking at 9am and you woke up at 9:45 and it takes over an hour to drive there and there's no chance in holy hell that you can still get in. dun dun DUN. if the guy downstairs didn't hear me groan "OH F**K", then he must be deaf or dead.
i've known about this test for a month. paid the $15 fee. had the study guide. planned ahead. and then forgot about it at the most crucial moment. i've got lots of excuses--been too busy, my work schedule changed & threw me off, focused too much on the state troopers...but it doesn't matter, i have no excuse.
it's really ironic, because yesterday was the best day i can remember having in recorded history. had a lot of fun talking to so-n-so in the morning. that got me pumped. then at work, we were perfectly staffed and business wasn't out of control, so i was in my element. i sold more upgrades in a day than i ever have, to total for the week more upgrades than mike (the company's upgrader of the year.) i was peacemaker between my super and one of our employees who has been feeling the need to quit. i was in a great mood and people noticed. everything went well. i went to bed thinking, i just lived the most perfect day i've had in years. i didn't screw up ONCE today. well, actually, i did. i forgot the damn test i was supposed to get my ass up in the morning for. so much for having one day in my life that i didn't screw something up. i'd be willing to trade that day for one of my normal ones, where i screw up every 5 minutes, i get pissed off, and i want to quit this job, and i have painful luck with women. that would have kept me focused on the other stuff in my life and maybe, just maybe, i wouldn't have forgotten.
my only consolation is the hope that i get into the state trooper academy and it won't matter. or if i don't get into the academy, whatever it is that keeps me out would probably be the same thing that keeps me out of being a sheriff. weak. weak consolation. weak excuse. damn.

well, i was gonna go home anyway. i'd better get going. sucks to be me.