just what is that duck doing, anyway

100th blarf post 100th blarf post 100th blarf post 100th blarf

first, thanks to all of you readers. (yes, All 3 of you!) if it wasn’t for you, i’d be… i’d still be blarfing. But anyway….

i thought i’d share some of the more interesting searches that have brought people to the blarf over the last 11 months. i’ve broken down the best-est stuff into some categories for easier digestion (and i swear i’ve made NONE of this up):

for starters, we have the “i should be getting paid for these endorsements” section:

“enzyte pic advertisement” (smilin' bob!)
“crowley’s yogurt”
“right guard sport stick”
“cool shit for dodge durango”
“rembrandt night tooth whitener” (try it)
“martin senour sucks” (actually it doesn't)
“freeville driving range”
“kat kit disposable litter boxes”
“golden griddle syrup site location”
“supercuts sucks” (pretty much)
“emachines T2792”
“krispie kreme donuts syracuse”
“vintage dow scrubbing bubbles”
“JP mulligans Syracuse”
“schoharie county demolition derby”
“bowl mor lanes syracuse”
“napa rust converter”
“pritchard dodge Ithaca”
and a million searches for quizno’s subs (and those goddamn rodents)

And the most interesting category--porn related (cover the children's eyes!):

“lucy liu xxx”
“viable panty line pix”
“Sexy xxx photo piss”
“cornholed girls”
“need dicked source”
“asian hoes xxx”
“CJ panty pics”
“free naughty pics”
“xxx white hoes black dicks”
“molester moustache . com”
“anal destruction xxx photos”
and my personal favorite: “subliminal message to make women have anal sex”

the celebrity section:

“ben stiller pooping”
“lucy liu freckles”
“britney and ben”
“kid rock’s income”
“uma Thurman is ugly”
and about a million searches for “nicole Ritchie”

and the “perhaps you should refine your search” department:

“post nasal drip and move to hawaii”
“ben hell + achilles”
“pictures after my accident”
“colored timecards”
“spanish phrases haircut”
“50 most liked songs tally of the year”
“g-rated country cowboy pics”
“4H smell jeep”
“ben’s wiener”
“MA state law moving truck when it’s cold 30 below”
“i ran out of gas sputtering”
“kill bill open her skull”
“ben’s paint background”
“engineering screwups cartoons”
“used t-shirt presser heater”
“hotmail 2004 grapes”
“krispie kreme scratch ‘n sniff” (six times in a row)

and of course, there’s the technical help category, clearly the biggest one (and this is just a sampling):

“cj8 quick frame fix”
“jeep heater core”
“what kind of antifreeze do dirt bikes use”
“jeep brake caliper no core charge”
“homemade jeep plow frame”
“olds g-body”
“jeep wrangler interior removal”
“knight rider big wheel”
"chevy headlight problem 97”
“radiator remove apartment cap”
“shock hoops cj7”
“ran out of gas gauge”
“repairing burns in upholstery”
“cj 97 headlights aim”
“installing stereo receiver in jeep cj”
“amc eagle caliper”
“jeep wrangler oil change”
“powerwheels mods”

and the “shrink/self help” department:

“post relationship friendship”
“i have no life I have no friends”
“daily social life deaf”

and the song lyrics section:

“it’s been awhile staind paycheck”
“40 below and I don’t give a fuck got a heater in my truck”
“she has said goodbye too many times before n sync lyrics”
“shake that ass bitch”

and you know they’d come here for this stuff:

“awesome jeep scramblers”
“hot scrambler jeeps”
“what kind of car did kenickie fix up in grease”
“a lady to go with my jeep comanche”
“ben’s a dork . com”
“ben blarf blog jeep” (any variation of that)and a million and one jeep cj8/scrambler searches

and the “gee, I’m glad I could help” group:

“using a gas card and taking someone’s cash”
“pot brownie recipe” (they didn't find it here)
“looking for another job”
“benny’s car wash store hours”
“maybe smoking isn’t that bad” (nice try)
“buying a cat how-to” (aren't they free? cats are everywhere)
“buying a keg at wegmans” (i prefer reynolds variety store in ithaca)
“how to blarf” (forget it, there's only one blarf. actually two.)
“tips for survivor tv application”
“dead cat jokes”
“stink up a bathroom”
“men’s haircut ideas”
“how to clean a shower with dow scrubbing bubbles”
“finger lakes vacation ideas”
“budweiser farts”
“english longbow for sale”
“ben’s brownies”
"jobs that have to do with the hearing impared”


and the “I’m kinda curious myself” department:

“nice ass cute daily update”
“18 wheeler ran over robber pic”
“wetballs martin”
“yutz futs”
“which has a larger following: NASCAR or basketball”
“pansy assed wigger”
“sonic the cat” (remember him?)
“bala shark yawn”
“goats eat cans”
“coffee creamer whitener experiment”
“bbq and friends billboard advertisement”
“snoozetime”
“cyberspace station beheading”
“big ben’s horse highway accident” (sounds dreadful)
“bala shark giving birth”
“schorharie punks”
“cop with a perp pics”
“the shmucks Kingston”
“scrambler ass” (not sure what that is)

-------

i was actually planning on filling you all in on what's been happening in my life lately, but that will have to wait. this list grew too long and i'm too tired now. all i can say is, at least i have finally blarfed. more soon. stay posted for post #101.

you've come a long way, blarfy.