THIS JUST IN: BRITNEY AND BEN: THREE DEGREES OF SEPARATION.
the rumor you heard is correct. there are now just THREE degrees of separation between yours truly and Miss Britney Spears. wedding plans have not yet been announced.
insiders say this week ben sold a ford focus to the mother of the guitar player (also named ben) of britney's road band. the connection was confirmed this morning upon delivery of new license plates and vehicle registration to the guitarist's mother.
IN RELATED NEWS: there are also confirmed reports of a mere four degrees of separation between ben and Nicole Ritchie. the link is similar--the guitar player in question also played for Lionel Ritchie. significance of this connection has been greatly overshadowed by the Britney link. when questioned about ritchie, Ben was quoted as saying, "(ritchie) is a skanky ditz. or is that paris hilton?" this accusation is widely accepted as truth, and pop-skank star christina aguilera also falls into this category.
--back to your regularly scheduled blarf post.
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for the last couple of weeks i've been plummeting downward in a "i-hate-the-world-cuz-i-didn't-get-into-the-police-academy-and-now-my-life-is-completely-aimless" spiral. it culminated yesterday as i was leaving my crappy job for home. i was subconsciously hating the world and it's injustices while i furtively tried to tear the rubber off the steering wheel. how is it that another guy (who will remain nameless)--who has a criminal history, owns a radar detector (a big trooper no-no), and can hardly do pushups (pluEEZE!)--can get into the academy and i can't? why, because his hearing is better than mine. even though my hearing is quite acceptable when both ears are averaged together, my right ear is not good enough on it's own.
lately, these are the things that absorb all of my thoughts while driving. on this trip i made a dogleg to the new Bass Pro Shop in the fingerlakes mall in auburn. it was very cool, especially the zillion-gallon fish tank filled with bass, salmon, pike, and the like. but it was hard to enjoy the splendor of Bass Pro when you're walking around with clenched fists and staring at the floor cuz you're so pissed that you are an ivy leaguer who works 50 hours a week for less than minimum wage and the only thing in your life that goes up is credit card bills. gawd, i would LOVE to buy a tank of gas or a bag of groceries with CASH. i can't remember the last time i did that. just driving to work puts me behind the eight ball--gas bills have been eating up about 2/3rds of my paycheck lately. it's pointless to even leave the driveway.
to add more fuel to the fire, i recently learned that my supervisor from my last job is leaving the company, and if i had not followed thru with all of this state trooper stuff and gotten demoted (for looking at other jobs) and quit, i'd be moving from senior manager to supervisor and be making like SIXTY GRAND A YEAR and the shop would be MINE. i guess it doesn't matter though, cuz even if i could walk back in there and take that job, i would probably hate it all over again in 5 minutes and i'd be wondering "What if?" about the academy.
ironically, i also ran into the manager that will be taking that supervisor position--the guy who used to work beneath me. i ran into him at a bar downtown last night. he wants me to come back to the company. the location supervisor is not as thrilled with that idea as he, because he knows, and i will be the first to admit, i ran the shop the right way, as opposed to the profitable-and-piss-poor-quality way. instead of paying mere lip service to the company goals of quality, i actually did it, and therefore i did not fit in.
at any rate, he did get me thinking. money is money is money. but i am not going back unless the general managers contact ME. they can suck MY wang for once. otherwise, there's no way in hell i'd go back. but i don't think they want to do any sucking.
i'm getting ahead of myself. my plan for last night was to come home and try to accomplish something worthwhile, like clean my craphole apartment. and wallow in my self-pity. but one of my coworkers (dave) called me up & invited me to st. sophia's greek fest at the church up the street. this place is literally a tenth of a mile away and didn't go last year cuz i'm not much for church functions, but according to dave, this is a rockin', drunken party. so i went.
it was set up in the parking lot and also included the church gym. apparently this church doesn't mind people drinking their asses off, even in the building itself. i was hoping we wouldn't be struck by lightning or plagued by locusts for imbibing alcohol on the church grounds. there were no less than a thousand freaking people, a band, shitloads of greek food, and NO CELLULITE ON THE PREMISES. not one fat chick. not one lard ass. what planet had i gone to? are greeks all thin? these people can't all be greek, though! or did i miss the sign that said "no fatties allowed"? at any rate, we were struck by the lack of fuglyness of the attendees. it was truly aMAZing.* the beer led me to introduce myself to the most beautiful woman i've ever seen, who just so happened to have a boyfriend. dammit. those girls always do.
we stayed until 9, the official shut-down time (hey, this is a church, after all!) this was the first time in nearly two years that i walked to a social event from my apartment, which might not sound cool but it was cuz i'm smack dab in the middle of a residential neighborhood. very cool.
i was then escorted to armory square by my volleyball teammate for the rest of the evening. now, you may know that there is no attraction whatsoever between myself and armory square, since i think drinking in bars is a total waste of time and money, but tonight it was cool, especially cuz i wasn't driving. and THAT was where i ran into the manager from my old job, blah blah blah and it was fun and then i came home the end. the evening was a nice reprieve from my life of hell. tune in again soon. i'm on my way to greek fest, day two.
*i really try not to look down on overwieght people. i really don't. but it's my opinion that people are fat: 50% due to genetics, 50% due to lazyness, ignorance, and plain old stupidity. yes, there are some people out there that just can't beat obesity, and to those people, i sympathize. but i'm not dating a big chick, sorry. it's another one of those 50/50 rules--50% looks, 50% personality that draws me to someone. if that's not fair, then i don't know what is. i just don't want people thinking i'm a fatty-hater.
