with the police academy potentially looming ahead and with encouragement from mark and josh, i finally decided to shave my goatee--again.

sure, i've shaved it before--probably three or four times since i've had it. but every time i've shaved, i've shuddered in horror at the result and immediately grown it back. now that i think about it, i had this thing for six years! (for almost as long as the scrambler!) the goatee and i, we've had lots of good times--two colleges, five jobs, three girlfriends. the girlfriends and non-girlfriends alike have always seemed to like it. hell, i like it too--it's done a great job of covering up my jaw, which i love to hate--let's just say i don't have a jay leno jaw.

but the day of the goatee has passed, at least a little bit. my slightly rebellious facial statement has now been washed down the bathroom sink. this time it is hopefully gone for good, because if i get in the academy i can't grow it back. if i don't get in, well, i can decide later if i want it again.

THE END OF AN ERA:

first, i started by removing the miami vice stubble that i've been sporting for a couple weeks now. it looked nice and was well composed, but had sleaze potential. keeping the stubble thing looking sharp, rather than lazy-bum-like, ain't easy, so...bye bye.

then...

i couldn't bring myself to make the initial goat hackjob with the trimmer. i got it about an inch away from my chin several times, but the evil buzzing noise was intimidating. i felt like i was about to smash a classic car with a sledgehammer. i just couldn't do it at first. too overwhelming.

the first mowing took out the center of the chin, leaving me with a lumberjack-fireman thing.

the 2nd cutting took off everything else under the mouth except for the soul patch.

and then... bye bye to the "child molester" mustache. (isn't it ironic that only criminals and cops have mustaches?)

and all that was left was the soul patch... which i fought with myself about keeping. it wasn't bad--a nice, clean look but with a hint of rebellion. but the academy says NO facial hair, so away it went. no point in shaving most it if you can't have any of it.

and the result? not as awful as i expected. not as awful as every other time. maybe this could work...

...i did like that soul patch though. kinduv like a fred durst looking thing. not like colonel sanders.

just my luck. wouldn't you know, the girl i just met LIKED the goatee. *&%$^#@*&%$#!!

click here for a good ESPN article about soul patches. www.askmen.com is a good source for stuff like this too if you are having facial hair issues like i am. this guy went thru exactly the same shaving process as i did.