william hung.

sheesh.

shit, i coulda been william hung.

"inspiration"?--for what? clueless yet lucky people with no shame, everywhere? i guess.

why is it always someone else that makes something out of nothing? like the guy who invented the battery-powered, leg-humping mechanical dog? ("the perfect [gift] for the man who has everything except a girlfriend!") or i coulda been jim benton, the guy who invented those happy bunny cartoons.


so simple, yet so lucrative.

how long will it be before authorities catch william hung in a seedy motel with methamphetamine and a crack-addled, drunken hooker passed out in the bathtub? how long will it take for fame to overwhelm this little engineering student? when will he crack and crumble? how much of a cut is he getting from his CD sales? enough to cover a hooker & heroin tab? only time will tell.

just kidding. i don't wish any of these things on william. i'm just jealous. i really need a get-rich scheme of my own.

Dias los U-Joints

today was all about u-joints. i brought my jeep into the ford dealership (where i work) to have some fixin' done--the u-joints on the front axle knuckles--they have been total junk for... all 7 years that i've owned the vehicle! for 265 bucks, i had them replaced, and now i can put it into 4 wheel drive and be a little more confident that it's not gonna spit the joints out on the ground. yay! and i even got to watch and pester the shit out of the mechanic that did it. he did in an hour what would have taken me 2 days and caused me alotta grief.

and THEN...

the stoner guy from the body shop has a POS (Piece Of Shit) CJ7. and he's a numb nut that always calls you "man" (don't confuse this guy with terry [see the goat post.]) his CJ7 is running in only rear wheel drive--cuz he couldnt be bothered to put new u-joints on the front driveshaft, so instead he just took the shaft off. so now...he just grenaded one of the rear joints while leaving work today, which left him with no-wheel-drive. and wouldn't you know, i happened to have a spare when he needed it. i didn't hesitate to give it to him, but after i did, i had a twinge of regret...

you see, this u-joint had sentimental value.

now before you start rolling your eyes in disdain, let me explain:

i've had this u-joint for...4 years! and it's got character. it's missing one bearing cap and the zerk fitting. why? cuz on spring break 2000, we drove the scrambler to florida, and on the way to disney world, a u-joint bearing cap spit out of the rear shaft after the retaining bolts loosened up. i had to fix it--in a dusty parking lot in some honky rural florida town somewhere between melbourne and orlando. since changing the whole joint was out of the question because of our time constraints, i only swapped the cap, patted myself on the back for a "mcgyver-style" job well done, and carried on to disneyworld with the (then) girlfriend. we had a hell of a time.

and since then, i've been carrying around this new u-joint with one cap missing, unable to bring myself to throw it away even though it's pretty much useless. (you never know when you might need another bearing cap! never throw anything away!)

and thus it has become a memento of spring break '00.

and i just gave it to this brainfried knucklehead for nothing. dammit. well, at least he's a jeeper, and at least he's putting it to use.

but i miss it already--good luck, buddy! you're now doing what you were always meant to do! i'll be seeing you in that giant junkyard in the sky someday. (that's my version of heaven, in case you're wondering--the world's largest U-Pull-It junkyard full of jeeps.)