another snub.
my trite feelings of inferiority to my coworkers, friends, family, ex, and you are still overwhelming sometimes.
our pre-relationship friendship has returned. i think. i recently learned (after some prying) that i'd been excluded from a night out with a mutual friend. the excuse offered by the friend was that due to my touchy friendship with her, it would be no fun for anyone if we were both there. so i'm the odd man out. my paranoid side is thinking of other possibilities, but i'm blocking them out to keep my sanity. hung up on her? a bit. ready for the next big thing? HELL YEAH! movin' on, movin on... where is she?
ben's self-psychoanalysis section: the problem is not that i feel inferior, rather i tend to focus too much on the big picture goals, instead of the small day to day battles (think "Baby Steps" from the movie "what about bob?" with bill murray.) i try to figure it all out at once instead of focusing on the challenges i can face now. mark and i discussed this at great length over margaritas at the lone star in kingston yesterday. either with careers, relationships, or life in general, i can't seem to let the big issues slide long enough to focus on the little things that end up deciding those big issues for me. patience, grasshopper... the less i think, the farther i will go. just look at my peers, for christ's sake. cash money hoes. new cars. high rollers. happy people.
it aint like i'm not proud of my accomplishments. i know i'm good. i've done it all. i'm smarter than you. i will have my own business someday. my resume makes me sound like hot stuff. ivy league. management. awards. student government. mechanical genius. but my newest car is a 15 year old pickup, i live paycheck to paycheck, and pine over a girl that for the longest time i couldn't get away from fast enough. yet another brilliant, hireable, skilled, disillusioned, inexperienced, shortsighted, clueless 20-something twit having his quarter-life crisis. woof. man, do i need a genny now.
my trite feelings of inferiority to my coworkers, friends, family, ex, and you are still overwhelming sometimes.
our pre-relationship friendship has returned. i think. i recently learned (after some prying) that i'd been excluded from a night out with a mutual friend. the excuse offered by the friend was that due to my touchy friendship with her, it would be no fun for anyone if we were both there. so i'm the odd man out. my paranoid side is thinking of other possibilities, but i'm blocking them out to keep my sanity. hung up on her? a bit. ready for the next big thing? HELL YEAH! movin' on, movin on... where is she?
ben's self-psychoanalysis section: the problem is not that i feel inferior, rather i tend to focus too much on the big picture goals, instead of the small day to day battles (think "Baby Steps" from the movie "what about bob?" with bill murray.) i try to figure it all out at once instead of focusing on the challenges i can face now. mark and i discussed this at great length over margaritas at the lone star in kingston yesterday. either with careers, relationships, or life in general, i can't seem to let the big issues slide long enough to focus on the little things that end up deciding those big issues for me. patience, grasshopper... the less i think, the farther i will go. just look at my peers, for christ's sake. cash money hoes. new cars. high rollers. happy people.
it aint like i'm not proud of my accomplishments. i know i'm good. i've done it all. i'm smarter than you. i will have my own business someday. my resume makes me sound like hot stuff. ivy league. management. awards. student government. mechanical genius. but my newest car is a 15 year old pickup, i live paycheck to paycheck, and pine over a girl that for the longest time i couldn't get away from fast enough. yet another brilliant, hireable, skilled, disillusioned, inexperienced, shortsighted, clueless 20-something twit having his quarter-life crisis. woof. man, do i need a genny now.
