mark has me blogging again. it's been a week and a half since my last (first) post. i've been working a lot (for a paycheck, that is), which unfortunately is more than i can say for instahangover (formerly known as circa1977) since he is kinda jobless. we've spent many nights wallowing in our own piss over money, jobs, women (lack thereof) and life in general. we've hit the quarter-life crisis. we were gonna go see "kill bill" tomorrow but we wont be doing that i suppose. mark suggested i start writing here again. a type of self-psychology, i guess. getting it all out is great but it really doesn't help me. i'd rather try to give myself a boost, which is what i've been doing tonight. i decided to watch a couple videos. the first was my "survivor" application video, done in february of last year. (needless to say i didn't make it on the show but it's funny to watch.) then i watched myself in "grease" at morrisville in '98. i expected to turn it off halfway thru but i actually watched it and liked it. as pathetic as it sounds, it did give me a much needed ego boost. watching my dumb self on stage, getting hoots & applause, all that happy horseshit, well, it felt NICE. one of my fellow actors from this play came into delta sonic about a month ago, and after i finally recognized her i decided not to say anything, fearing it'd been too long, it'd be too weird, and i'd be embarrassed (to have her find out i work at a damn car wash now.) I'm not sure if she recognized me or not but she didn't say anything either. I've been seeing myself as a work machine lately, too serious to have fun, to not cool enough to hang out with the guys from work. I've been pushing myself away from being social, being the easy going guy, being FUN. i need direction. seeing myself accomplish something i really had a passion for...well, i need a new, tangible passion to follow.