to prove to my brother dan that The Swede does exist:
actually, i suppose this doesn't prove much of anything. i guess it could prove that i am great with photoshop. or that i paid some hot blonde chick to pose for a picture with me at the Cornell Plantations. or something. (he claims that she must not exist since both pictures of her that i've posted previously look nothing like each other.)
anyway...
happy new year, blarfees!
tonight i was unexpectedly up north for my family's new year's eve dinner, which i have missed the last few years. one of the things we like to do is make new year's predictions rather than resolutions. we read off last years predictions, document whether or not they came true, and then make new ones. for 2002 and 2003, my brothers predicted that i would turn down a job with the fire department. this did not come true--i was never offered the job to be able to turn it down. for 2004, matt predicted that i would make it into the state police academy. wishful thinking--unfortunately not reality. for '05, he predicted i would get this new job (which will remain unnamed) to which i replied, "DON'T JINX IT!" --mom struck that prediction from the record.
after dinner, i got back to syracuse right before midnight--too late to make it anywhere; too early to sleep. so i guess it's a good time toblog blarf while watching a mix of Regis at time's square and leno's new year's show. it's just not the same without dick clark! no fear; Triumph The Insult Comic Dog is up next on Conan. and tomorrow: all of you people who have been waiting hungrily for christmas cards, they will finally be completed started.
the evening's funny story* which has no doubt been embellished with each telling:
the addition to the family store has been going along well--until today when the roofers got their panties in a twist:
after taking an hour and a half lunch break, one of the roofers was assigned to clean-up duty around the worksite as punishment. apparently this is the absolute most insulting thing a roofer could be told to do, because the offender picked up a 2x4 and told the foreman something to the effect of "why don't you come down here..." before he could finish that statement, the other roofers started marching down the ladder to come kick his ass. so the guy dropped the 2x4, jumped in his pickup, locked the doors, threw it in reverse, and, in his scramble to escape, backed into the foreman's truck. upon seeing this, the foreman (who was still on the roof) whipped his tin snips at the guy's truck, which impaled themselves in the truck's hood as he hauled ass out of the driveway.
--musta been a sight to see. wish i'd been there for it.
after it was all over, the guy got his job back (did i mention he got fired for this?)
*i take no credit for this humorous story--it is totally true (to my knowledge anyway) and i'm just relaying it to you for your own enjoyment. enjoy.
-------
2004: The Year Of "SUCK IT EASY"
2004 could have been better. it could have been worse. i could have had a real job. instead, i had three. actually four, if you include DJing. i coulda payed down my bills. but instead my pristine credit rating received a good old-fashioned piss-pounding. i coulda gotten into the state police academy. but if i had, i might never have reconnected with The Swede--and that would have been bad--and i would have never even known what i was missing. overall, i guess i can't complain. i'm not dead. i'm not sick. my family is healthy and growing. The Swede is hopefully packing her bags for the states right now. and the job situation should be improving soon.
2005 should turn out pretty well, i think.
stay tuned; there's always more blarf cooking. i've got post-it blarf notes (Blarf-It Notes?) all over hell. i know you're sitting there clicking "refresh" waiting for more. keep clicking.
time for bed. tired as a donkey. (as The Swede says.)
(i love saying that--SWEDE SWEDE SWEDE. it's fun.)
actually, i suppose this doesn't prove much of anything. i guess it could prove that i am great with photoshop. or that i paid some hot blonde chick to pose for a picture with me at the Cornell Plantations. or something. (he claims that she must not exist since both pictures of her that i've posted previously look nothing like each other.)
anyway...
happy new year, blarfees!
tonight i was unexpectedly up north for my family's new year's eve dinner, which i have missed the last few years. one of the things we like to do is make new year's predictions rather than resolutions. we read off last years predictions, document whether or not they came true, and then make new ones. for 2002 and 2003, my brothers predicted that i would turn down a job with the fire department. this did not come true--i was never offered the job to be able to turn it down. for 2004, matt predicted that i would make it into the state police academy. wishful thinking--unfortunately not reality. for '05, he predicted i would get this new job (which will remain unnamed) to which i replied, "DON'T JINX IT!" --mom struck that prediction from the record.
after dinner, i got back to syracuse right before midnight--too late to make it anywhere; too early to sleep. so i guess it's a good time to
the evening's funny story* which has no doubt been embellished with each telling:
the addition to the family store has been going along well--until today when the roofers got their panties in a twist:
after taking an hour and a half lunch break, one of the roofers was assigned to clean-up duty around the worksite as punishment. apparently this is the absolute most insulting thing a roofer could be told to do, because the offender picked up a 2x4 and told the foreman something to the effect of "why don't you come down here..." before he could finish that statement, the other roofers started marching down the ladder to come kick his ass. so the guy dropped the 2x4, jumped in his pickup, locked the doors, threw it in reverse, and, in his scramble to escape, backed into the foreman's truck. upon seeing this, the foreman (who was still on the roof) whipped his tin snips at the guy's truck, which impaled themselves in the truck's hood as he hauled ass out of the driveway.
--musta been a sight to see. wish i'd been there for it.
after it was all over, the guy got his job back (did i mention he got fired for this?)
*i take no credit for this humorous story--it is totally true (to my knowledge anyway) and i'm just relaying it to you for your own enjoyment. enjoy.
-------
2004: The Year Of "SUCK IT EASY"
2004 could have been better. it could have been worse. i could have had a real job. instead, i had three. actually four, if you include DJing. i coulda payed down my bills. but instead my pristine credit rating received a good old-fashioned piss-pounding. i coulda gotten into the state police academy. but if i had, i might never have reconnected with The Swede--and that would have been bad--and i would have never even known what i was missing. overall, i guess i can't complain. i'm not dead. i'm not sick. my family is healthy and growing. The Swede is hopefully packing her bags for the states right now. and the job situation should be improving soon.
2005 should turn out pretty well, i think.
stay tuned; there's always more blarf cooking. i've got post-it blarf notes (Blarf-It Notes?) all over hell. i know you're sitting there clicking "refresh" waiting for more. keep clicking.
time for bed. tired as a donkey. (as The Swede says.)
(i love saying that--SWEDE SWEDE SWEDE. it's fun.)
